Home is where you hang your hammock

I’m getting married in 3 days. I’ve known about it for 6 months, but I’ve neglected to write anything till today. Becky has battled anxiety throughout our relationship and this week I finally understand what it’s like. I woke up yesterday feeling incredible anxiety. Not over whether or not I should marry her (I made that decision LONG ago) but over this whole wedding thing, and getting everything done, and work caught up, and being at a place where I feel comfortable leaving for a week and a half. Weddings are far too complex, and far too stressful. I’ve planning the ceremony, and the worship band, and a lot of the reception details, and the invitation, and rsvp’s, and the photographer… and it’s a lot of stuff! I couldn’t imagine her having to do all those things that I’ve taken on. It’s too much for one person to handle.

I’d like to write more often and share all the details about how God has provided for us, and the ways he has moved in and through us over the last 6 months. For now, I need to get back to designing, and sending out jobs. I have a lot of work to do.

My cousin owns a construction company and specializes in commercial construction. On a regular basis his clients tell him to donate old desks and furniture to charity because they don’t need it anymore. When that happens, he gives us or family members the opportunity to swap our furniture for the stuff that’s getting traded in. It’s cool getting desks and stuff from him. It has been a total God send.

Yesterday he came by and said “I have two desks to swap out” and my dad looked for two pieces of furniture and said “here take these” without ever really stopping to think about it. About 3 minutes after they left I realized I REALLY wanted one of the desks they took, and a desk they gave us is super nice, but functionally worthless to us. I told my dad that I wanted the desk back and he was like “too late, it’s gone. It’s water under the bridge now.” I was FURIOUS about it and it consumed me the rest of my work day and all evening and this morning too.

While driving to work, Becky called and I was venting my frustration and she prayed and I was so mad I couldn’t even pray with her. I just told God how furious I was and told him to figure it out. No more than 30 seconds later I rounded the final corner where I could see my office and my cousins truck and trailer AND desks were waiting for us in front of our office.

His worker got out and said “we went to three places and no one will take the desks, so we’re going to throw them away unless you want them.” I almost jumped for joy! I said to him “this is such an answer to prayer, you have no idea!” Right at that moment all of my anger and frustration melted away.

I was SO upset about losing that desk and I couldn’t fathom any situation where God would replace it as quickly and cheaply as we first got the desk. It was ruining my day in the WORST way.

God provided for me in a way I couldn’t have imagined. He proved just how faithful he is to us, and he proved how blessed we are and how much he is looking out for us.

I’m also so lucky that Becky was there to listen to me be upset and be angry, and SHE said we needed to pray, and she prayed for me on the phone that God would melt it away and keep it from ruining my day. She’s an amazing woman.

Today started out as a horribly bad day, and has turned into a wonderfully good day.

God is SO faithful. He gave me my desk back and more importantly, he gave me a woman who could handle my frustrations and pray for me in the midst of them.

I feel blessed.

I was talking to my aunt today about how much I miss Rebecca and how we’re going another month without talking and it’s making me really depressed. We started referencing Abraham and Isaac and how God asked Abraham to take Isaac up on Mount Moriah and sacrifice him. I asked her “I wonder how long Abraham waited before going to the mountain?” then I asked “I wonder if he asked God again “Are you sure?” She pulled up the passage and sent it to me over Instant Messenger. It was humbling.

Not only did Abraham not get his child till he was 100, when God called to him, he said “Here I am” listened to God’s instruction, and left the NEXT MORNING for Moriah. They traveled the first and second day, and on the third day he started up the mountain with Isaac and together they carried the wood, the fire and the knife. Part way up Isaac says “dad I see wood and fire, but no lamb….” Abraham replies “God will supply the lamb” and they carried on.

They get to the spot, Abraham ties up Isaac, pulls out his knife and is about to sacrifice him when the angel says “Abraham Abraham!” and of course he replies “Here I am” and the angel tells him not to harm the boy, and that he (the angel) now knows that Abraham fears God because he wouldn’t even withhold his only son from him.

A few things stick out to me in this story:
1) Abraham knew the voice of God and responded immediately

2) Abraham did what he was told to do, and he did it immediately. (Not gonna say he didn’t question it, but if he did, his questioning didn’t prevent him from obedience. I’ll ask him someday)

3) Abraham led his son well by modeling the example of obedience, and the belief that God is truly good and gives us everything we need.

4) God allowed Abraham to keep that which he was willing to give back to Him.

Here’s how it relates to me:
1) I know when God speaks to me, I have a clear sense of God’s guidance in my life. God gives me good questions to ask, and speaks through the answers to those questions.

2) The last 5 weeks have been so difficult. Becky and I have spoken a LOT, and we worked through the issues we needed to resolve, and we both grew a lot in those 5 weeks. Now after seeing her again, and having an AMAZING time with her and sensing “something’s not right” we’re back to not talking for a month or so (hopefully less!) Its been 3 days and I want to talk to her so bad it’s crazy. God called us not to communicate right now, and I need to obey it. This is really hard for me.

3) I hope and pray Becky and I get to keep our relationship. In the meantime, I need to model good leadership so that if (hopefully when) the time comes, I won’t be disqualified from leading us in a marriage because I didn’t model leadership throughout our entire relationship. Can she really trust me to provide for her if I’m not willing to let God provide for me?

4) I have had the hardest time letting go of this. I have held on very tightly because I love her SO much. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving her, and I couldn’t imagine having any other woman. If God says “give it to me” and I say “no” that means I’m putting Rebecca over God, and that’s not good. God will never give me a gift that takes me away from Him. If I want God’s greatest blessing (which I believe is Rebecca), then I have to give him that which is closest to my heart.

If I disobey God in this moment I’ll never get her back. Obedience is the only chance I have to regain my amazing relationship with her.

Such a simple passage of scripture, but it’s so pregnant with meaning and application. I should have read this long ago. It probably would have saved a lot of heartache.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

Today is my 3 year anniversary with the family business. It doesn’t seem like 3 years, but the numbers don’t lie. Most people don’t last being self employed, but by the grace of God I’ve made it this far. To be honest, it hasn’t been all that stressful. Yeah yeah, I’ve had my moments, but when I look back. Its been a really good three years. I’m graduating from college in about 183 days. The business is growing so fast I can’t keep up with it. I have my eyes on “someone special” and God hasn’t stopped working in my life and transforming me into the man I was made to be.

As I look back I’m very content with what God has done in the last 3 years. I’m really looking forward to the next 3 years. I foresee marriage, continued growth in the business, and continued growth with God too. God and I are going to change eternity over the next 3 years. I know it.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. ~ God

You who sit down in the High God’s presence, spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow,
Say this: “God, you’re my refuge.
I trust in you and I’m safe!”
That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you’re perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God’s your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can’t get close to you,
harm can’t get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they’ll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
“I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!”

People who are good at making excuses are rarely good at anything else. Ben Franklin

So I’m talking to some guy in Atlanta leaving a message for his wife. I told him my name, company, and the message for his wife, then ask if I can leave my number too and he says: “sure let me get something to write with”… I got 10 bucks that says if I hadn’t given him my number that entire message would have disappeared into the black hold of his mind till next halloween when it somehow surfaces.

I totally understand why women tend to be the best admin assistants out there. They ACTUALLY write down, and follow up on messages. Men forget things .000002 seconds after we hang up the phone.

Amazing…

I didn’t go to bed till 1:30 this morning and had to be up at 6:30 to register for classes. 7:02 am I was registered for my FINAL SEMESTER of college! I went back to bed till about 9:15 then woke up and got ready for school. On the way to school I kept thinking “I really need to change my focus from my sin and failures to God’s grace.” I was talking with my friend Angela last night about being the righteousness of Christ. I am righteous. I am sanctified, I am holy, and I have the favor of God on my life. Why do I live like I’m defeated? Why do I live like I ‘have’ to be in a battle? The battle for my heart is over. It’s done. I belong to God. Its time for a paradigm shift in my mind.

I drove through a watermain break on the way to school today. I didn’t realize it till there was water HALF WAY up my door! I kept saying out loud “God get me through this, get me through this get me through this” I hit the gas, and got through it. All the flying water coated my entire car with ice, and I could barely see afterwards! I was trembling I had been so scared! Afterwards, I spent 2 miles saying “Thank you soooooo much” over and over again. I really do live under God’s grace. I need help remembering that more often.

I got a 17 out of 22 on my physics exam, and was near the top of the curve. *whew*!

I was reading in John yesterday about Jesus being exposed to Gossip and he flat out left the region of the country where he had been. He didn’t combat it, he didn’t try to correct people, or stop the gossip, he just up and left. Food for thought.

I did 110 mph (177km/h) on the way to church today. I don’t know why, I just had this sudden urge to speed so I mashed the gas pedal and let her rip. It was smooth as silk, and it felt like 70, not 110. Only reason I stopped is because the end of the exit ramp was quickly approaching. haha!

Should I repent?